(no subject)
Jun. 4th, 2011 09:57 pm"D-dad." I muttered, walking in the room. I'm sure it was hardly audible, but my presents was enough to gain my father's attention. I didn't know what I was doing there. I just needed to come for the sake of both my friends and my own sanity. I had snuck out of Asaph's home when everyone seemed to off doing their own thing. I had managed to drive my jeep all the way to the shady side of town where my father had come to reside.
Why did he have to come to town? Things were going along just fine before he came. I was happy, or at least as close to it as I had ever known. Then the past had to come in like a bull barreling though a china shoppe. It makes me feel even more childish and dumber than usual knowing how poorly I took seeing him, causing more drama and fights then I care to think of.
I must have been staring at the floor for an awfully long time lost in my thoughts, how long I don't know, but when I was able to pull my head up to the man that was a near mirror image of myself, he was standing at his desk, mouth agape.
He looked at me for a moment that felt like forever just like that. All of my instincts told me to run at that moment, but it would do no good. I'd be left in the same place I was before I came, My father managed to pull himself together a bit more and wipe the look of shock of his face enough to mumble, "Sebestyén, drágaságom.." holding his hand to his heart out of surprise or what I didn't know. The words spoken were my name and something else.
The man knows full well I never learned his language. Never wanted to. My mother and grandmother taught me theirs as I learned English and when I went to live with my father after both of them passed there wasn't enough communication between us for me to even pick it up. "Yes, Patrick?" I replied quite bitterly, bitterly enough to taste it in my mouth.
He bit his lip and looked down. It was something I'd picked up from him, biting my lip when I'm hurt or upset. Frankly, I don't believe I'd given him much cause to be either. This was without a doubt the longest I've ever managed to stay civil with him since I was sixteen. "Sebastian." he said again in a far more American accent. "What are you doing here?"
"I could--" I paused. The words simply stopped coming out. I could feel them tingling on my tongue and yet I couldn't utter them. I stared hard at the floor. "D-do you have any job openings?" I ask with a smile as plastic as his office furniture. That was foolish. I didn't want a job working here, but it was something to say.
He looked surprised. "A job? A job stripping here?" He knew I've done it before. It really wasn't that big of a shock. "If you need money..." he trailed off, getting up and going over to a safe that he started opening.
"No... I. Well, yes. I'm broke, but shit. That's not what I mean. I.. fuck." I muttered and took a minute as he took a stack of cash out of his safe and came and sat back down at his desk. "No." I said mustering up a bit more strength with my words. "I didn't come here for this. That was dumb of me to.. say. Why are you here, father? Why did you come here? Did you know I was here?"
"Yes..." he began, brow furrowed. I could have punched him right there, but I squeezed the wound in my palm hard enough to bring tears to my eyes until the need to passed. "I just wanted to see you, Sebastian." He rubbed his face, probably shocked that I hadn't tried anything yet. "To apologize."
"Apologize?" I was taken aback, needless to say. My eyes were as wide as they could be.
He cleared his throat, looking down at his desk. "Yes, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I didn't pay enough attention to realize..." He trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortable. "I'm sorry you couldn't come to me. I'm sorry that I ruined your life. You.. could have done so much.. if not for me. I was too lost in my own problems to have been the father I should have for you."
"You.." I whispered as a few tears escaped my eyes. I quickly wiped them away. He was sorry? I don't know if I could believe it, but he wasn't one to lie. I took a few steps back, not wanting to be in the room any longer. I'd already be processing what had occurred for a long time to come.
"You said you were broke. Take this." he said firmly, holding up a stack of cash. "It's the very least I can do. I.. heard you were sober.. but still. Please don't spend it on drugs." He looked sincere to me. Entirely sincere.
I stepped back farther only to have him get up from his desk and walk to me. "No." I shook my head like a stubborn child.
"Sebestyén," he spoke in a demanding tone, taking my hand from my side and placing the money in it. "Just take it, son. I'm." he paused. "..around if you need me."
I shook my head even more vigorously though I kept the money in my hand and backed away until I reached the door. I didn't understand anything that happened. I suppose my slow mind simply couldn't process such a turn of events. I took off down the hall and out of the building. I needed to get away from this place quickly.
Why did he have to come to town? Things were going along just fine before he came. I was happy, or at least as close to it as I had ever known. Then the past had to come in like a bull barreling though a china shoppe. It makes me feel even more childish and dumber than usual knowing how poorly I took seeing him, causing more drama and fights then I care to think of.
I must have been staring at the floor for an awfully long time lost in my thoughts, how long I don't know, but when I was able to pull my head up to the man that was a near mirror image of myself, he was standing at his desk, mouth agape.
He looked at me for a moment that felt like forever just like that. All of my instincts told me to run at that moment, but it would do no good. I'd be left in the same place I was before I came, My father managed to pull himself together a bit more and wipe the look of shock of his face enough to mumble, "Sebestyén, drágaságom.." holding his hand to his heart out of surprise or what I didn't know. The words spoken were my name and something else.
The man knows full well I never learned his language. Never wanted to. My mother and grandmother taught me theirs as I learned English and when I went to live with my father after both of them passed there wasn't enough communication between us for me to even pick it up. "Yes, Patrick?" I replied quite bitterly, bitterly enough to taste it in my mouth.
He bit his lip and looked down. It was something I'd picked up from him, biting my lip when I'm hurt or upset. Frankly, I don't believe I'd given him much cause to be either. This was without a doubt the longest I've ever managed to stay civil with him since I was sixteen. "Sebastian." he said again in a far more American accent. "What are you doing here?"
"I could--" I paused. The words simply stopped coming out. I could feel them tingling on my tongue and yet I couldn't utter them. I stared hard at the floor. "D-do you have any job openings?" I ask with a smile as plastic as his office furniture. That was foolish. I didn't want a job working here, but it was something to say.
He looked surprised. "A job? A job stripping here?" He knew I've done it before. It really wasn't that big of a shock. "If you need money..." he trailed off, getting up and going over to a safe that he started opening.
"No... I. Well, yes. I'm broke, but shit. That's not what I mean. I.. fuck." I muttered and took a minute as he took a stack of cash out of his safe and came and sat back down at his desk. "No." I said mustering up a bit more strength with my words. "I didn't come here for this. That was dumb of me to.. say. Why are you here, father? Why did you come here? Did you know I was here?"
"Yes..." he began, brow furrowed. I could have punched him right there, but I squeezed the wound in my palm hard enough to bring tears to my eyes until the need to passed. "I just wanted to see you, Sebastian." He rubbed his face, probably shocked that I hadn't tried anything yet. "To apologize."
"Apologize?" I was taken aback, needless to say. My eyes were as wide as they could be.
He cleared his throat, looking down at his desk. "Yes, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I didn't pay enough attention to realize..." He trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortable. "I'm sorry you couldn't come to me. I'm sorry that I ruined your life. You.. could have done so much.. if not for me. I was too lost in my own problems to have been the father I should have for you."
"You.." I whispered as a few tears escaped my eyes. I quickly wiped them away. He was sorry? I don't know if I could believe it, but he wasn't one to lie. I took a few steps back, not wanting to be in the room any longer. I'd already be processing what had occurred for a long time to come.
"You said you were broke. Take this." he said firmly, holding up a stack of cash. "It's the very least I can do. I.. heard you were sober.. but still. Please don't spend it on drugs." He looked sincere to me. Entirely sincere.
I stepped back farther only to have him get up from his desk and walk to me. "No." I shook my head like a stubborn child.
"Sebestyén," he spoke in a demanding tone, taking my hand from my side and placing the money in it. "Just take it, son. I'm." he paused. "..around if you need me."
I shook my head even more vigorously though I kept the money in my hand and backed away until I reached the door. I didn't understand anything that happened. I suppose my slow mind simply couldn't process such a turn of events. I took off down the hall and out of the building. I needed to get away from this place quickly.